I don’t even know if I love you anymore.  When we fight, when we have disagreements I’m often finding myself daydreaming of other men.  Men that are completely unobtainable, men who I’ve been with in the past, men walking down the street, men at work.  Any man but you.

So how do I know if I still love you?  We’ve not even been married all that long.  We should still be in that happy honeymoon phase.  But we’re not… at least I’m not.  I don’t know what to do to make this better.  I’m content.  I’ve got my family.  I’m just not sure with all this daydreaming when we fight - that because I’m not thinking of us and off thinking about any other man… that maybe there’s somethign a miss.

Or maybe this is my way of avoiding.

Learning to hate you seems to be so easy lately. Your attention is so completely on someone else now. It drives me nuts, because not all that long ago you were so into me. I loved it. The attention, the attention, the attention. Yes, I’m an attention whore and you gave it all to me.

But lately you’re on to another person. You message me every morning to tell me how great things are. Honestly I don’t give a flying rat’s ass how it’s going. Why you tell me - when we were so close to being so intimate… and now I’m relegated to friend-land. I fucking hate it.

Deep down inside I hope that this relationship bombs for you. So you come crawling back to me. You can be such an asshole and not even know you’re doing it. Or maybe you do, and I’m just so stupid for not telling you to get bent… screw off. Seriously - I want your relationship to go down in flames.

Secret #4

I’m not sure where to start… I am not happy with my job.  I freakin’ hate it right now.  It’s not always been that way.  I actually am really fearful that I might lose my job, because I don’t do anything… lately.  No one needs me.  I feel pretty useless.

Secret #5

I honestly think my emotions are on a total rollercoaster.  One minute I’m happy has ever with you and the next minute I want a divorce.  What the hell is wrong with me?  Maybe I need therapy?

Problem is I’m so completely frustrated.

This is something that is suppose to involve me as well… and I’m not getting what I really, really want.  Him inside me.  Just the thought of it brings me too goosebumps.  I’m excited with the anticipation of more and yet I’m worried that what’s happened so far has quenched the fire for him.  I don’t know what to think right now.  Maybe it’s got nothing to do with our relationship… but what’s swirling around us.  I don’t know.

My little secret is that I sucked him off the other day.  It was one of those moments that I felt so totally powerful.  It’s totally wrong too… you know… forbidden.  I am so going to hell for this one.

I’m married, and I’m totally lusting after another man.  We chat at work, we exchanged email addresses, we chat online… every single night.  He wants to be my friend with benefits.  I’m to the point now where all I think about every single day is having sex with him.  It’s not that I’ve not kissed him.

He can kiss!

He’s attentive… he’s passionate.  He wants me.  I think I’m falling for him.  Problem is that I’m married.  I’m not sure I’m in love anymore.  I’m confused.  I know taking this lust to the next level would totally change things.  Everything will be different.  I’m looking forward to it.